LETTERS FROM SANTA
By Lee Degenstein
December 2006
Yes my friends, you read the title correctly it really does say letters FROM Santa. During this most festive time of year we are treated to those adorable letters from children to Santa Claus, detailing their Christmas wish list.
However, many people are not aware that Santa answers all of those letters. My contact at the United States Postal Service sent me the following examples.
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. – Love Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the reindeer fart when riding in the sleigh. You want to do Santa a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch instead
Santa
Dear Santa,
Do you really see us sleeping and do you really know when we are awake like in the song? - Love Bobby
Dear Bobby,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do! I am skipping your house this year! - Love Santa
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year! Please, please, please PLEASE can I have one? - Love Jeffrey
Dear Jeffrey,
That whiney begging garbage might work with your parents but that crap doesn’t work with me. You are getting a sweater again – Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a really good girl this year. The only thing I ask for is peace, love and joy for everybody in the world. Love Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked a lot of pot before they had you didn’t they? - Santa
Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer – Yer Frend Bill
Dear Bill,
Nice spelling! You are well on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging’ book so you can learn how to read and write. By the way, I am getting your older brother a Space Ranger, at least he can spell. – Santa
Dear Santa,
I don’t know if you can do this but all I want for Christmas is for my mommy and daddy to get back together again. Please see what you can do. – Love Jamie
Dear Jamie,
Look, your father has been banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he is really going to give that up to come home to your frigid mother who is constantly riding his ass? It’s time to give that dream up it ain’t going to happen. How about I get you some nice Legos instead? - Love Santa
Dear Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? – Love Marky
Dear Marky,
First of all stop calling yourself “Marky”, that’s why you are getting your ass whipped at school. Second of all, you don’t live in a house you live in a Section Eight low rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window. - Love Santa
There you have it a look at how Santa handles some of the million of letters he receives each year. The lesson here is be careful what you wish for you may get something completely different.
NB: While I would like to take credit for the letters I can not as they were written by someone else, I just had to share them with you. LD
Lee Degenstein has covered the financial markets for print and broadcast media for more than 15 years. Mr. Degenstein was also the news director and morning anchor at two major radio stations in New Jersey. He has been a reporter/contributor to United Press International, The Associated Press, The Mutual Broadcasting System and New York 1 News. A winner of the Associated Press award for 'best business story' he lives and works in New York City. Mr. Degenstein can be reached by email at: lee723@verizon.net
© Copyright 2006, Lee Degenstein.
All rights reservedwww.leereports.blogspot.com
December 2006
Yes my friends, you read the title correctly it really does say letters FROM Santa. During this most festive time of year we are treated to those adorable letters from children to Santa Claus, detailing their Christmas wish list.
However, many people are not aware that Santa answers all of those letters. My contact at the United States Postal Service sent me the following examples.
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. – Love Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the reindeer fart when riding in the sleigh. You want to do Santa a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch instead
Santa
Dear Santa,
Do you really see us sleeping and do you really know when we are awake like in the song? - Love Bobby
Dear Bobby,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do! I am skipping your house this year! - Love Santa
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year! Please, please, please PLEASE can I have one? - Love Jeffrey
Dear Jeffrey,
That whiney begging garbage might work with your parents but that crap doesn’t work with me. You are getting a sweater again – Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a really good girl this year. The only thing I ask for is peace, love and joy for everybody in the world. Love Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked a lot of pot before they had you didn’t they? - Santa
Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer – Yer Frend Bill
Dear Bill,
Nice spelling! You are well on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging’ book so you can learn how to read and write. By the way, I am getting your older brother a Space Ranger, at least he can spell. – Santa
Dear Santa,
I don’t know if you can do this but all I want for Christmas is for my mommy and daddy to get back together again. Please see what you can do. – Love Jamie
Dear Jamie,
Look, your father has been banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he is really going to give that up to come home to your frigid mother who is constantly riding his ass? It’s time to give that dream up it ain’t going to happen. How about I get you some nice Legos instead? - Love Santa
Dear Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? – Love Marky
Dear Marky,
First of all stop calling yourself “Marky”, that’s why you are getting your ass whipped at school. Second of all, you don’t live in a house you live in a Section Eight low rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window. - Love Santa
There you have it a look at how Santa handles some of the million of letters he receives each year. The lesson here is be careful what you wish for you may get something completely different.
NB: While I would like to take credit for the letters I can not as they were written by someone else, I just had to share them with you. LD
Lee Degenstein has covered the financial markets for print and broadcast media for more than 15 years. Mr. Degenstein was also the news director and morning anchor at two major radio stations in New Jersey. He has been a reporter/contributor to United Press International, The Associated Press, The Mutual Broadcasting System and New York 1 News. A winner of the Associated Press award for 'best business story' he lives and works in New York City. Mr. Degenstein can be reached by email at: lee723@verizon.net
© Copyright 2006, Lee Degenstein.
All rights reservedwww.leereports.blogspot.com
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