NEW YORK CITY TOURIST SURVIVAL KIT
August 2007
Many moons ago a tourist from London England found himself on Manhattan’s Seventh Avenue looking for Madison Square Garden. A bit confused and very lost he stopped a man on the street and said: “Excuse me sir, but could you kindly tell me where Madison Square Garden is or should I screw myself now”?
That was the reputation that New Yorkers many years ago but all of that has changed. Some visitors say that ever since the tragedy of 9/11, New York has become a kinder more ‘gentile’ place. Many tourists I have spoken with over the summer have said they have found New Yorkers to be friendly and very helpful. I must have missed those parts of the city.
With the summer season almost over, New York City is preparing itself for the annual onslaught of tourists that fill its streets between Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Kwanza, Ramadan and oh yes Christmas (how’s that for politically correct?). It is in that spirit that Lee Reports offers tourists from around the world some survival tips for travel to the City.
New York City is the safest big city in America but there are still a few people that haven’t gotten that memo yet. Remember, the key to being a tourist in the Big Apple is to try to fit in and be like other New Yorkers whatever that means.
1: When you hear the phrase “the City” it means Manhattan, not the outer boroughs.
2: When you arrive at the airport take a yellow cab, or public transportation into Manhattan. If you take a cab, immediately after giving the foreign born driver your destination, say something like “It’s good to be back in the City again”. This will make the driver think you have been here before and are familiar with the surroundings. It will also eliminate the possibility of the driver taking you to Manhattan by way of Buffalo. Speaking of taxis, note your driver’s name. If it has too many vowels in it or if the driver doesn’t speak with a foreign accent, you have probably gotten into the wrong cab. You may want to get out at the next red light, assuming your driver stops at it! Also look for the bottle of Mr. Poppy air freshener that usually adorns the dashboard. Bathing seems to be optional for some drivers.
3: Assuming that you arrive at your hotel in one piece you will undoubtedly want to take a walk and check out the local scenery. If it is warm when you get here avoid wearing Bermuda shorts black socks and sandals, it’s a dead giveaway that you are not from around here.
4: When you are walking about the City swing your arms vigorously while walking as other New Yorkers do. Avoid the temptation of walking around while looking at the tops of buildings. This is a tip off to muggers that you are fair game. It also lessens the possibility of you walking into a lamp post.
5: The best way to get around the City is the subway, formerly known as the electric sewer. Buy a Metrocard it will get you into the subway system faster and more importantly most locals have one.
6: If you are lucky enough to find a seat remember the most important rule of subway riding. NEVER look another passenger in the eye. Doing this gives that passenger the legal right to kill you. That’s why the subway provides you with all of those preparation H ads to look at.
7: Spitting in the subway is illegal, throwing up is on the house – literally!
8: If you want to buy a newspaper, never take the one on top of the pile. I am not sure why, but the locals always grab a paper in the middle of the stack. You never know the top one may be radioactive and if you take it all your future children will grow up to look like Flipper.
9: If you want to start your day with a cup of coffee you are in the right city. There must be over 1,000 establishments just waiting to serve up an overpriced jo. However remember this important rule. If you take your coffee black, say “give me a black”. Using the word please will just slow up the entire process. For some unknown reason a “regular coffee” in my fair city means coffee with milk. Most normal people would think a regular coffee would be black, but this is not the case here. If you want a bagel and cream cheese say ”give me a bagel with a schmere”. By the way, a large cup of coffee in some establishments will cost as much as a gallon of gas and unlike gasoline the tax is not included.
10: In your travels around the city, you will undoubtedly see some stores that have signs in the windows saying something like “Going out of business – lost our lease or final clearance sale”. Whatever you do, stay out of these stores. They have been going out of business longer than you have been on the planet. Their merchandise is usually overpriced and in some cases used and repackaged.
11: Avoid walking over manhole covers. They have a tendency to either explode and or electrocute. Do I have your attention yet?
12: While it’s rare to see them anymore, you may stumble over a person sleeping on the street or in the park. Just remember that they are now referred to as homeless and not bums.
13: While we are on the subject, you may be accosted by someone or something asking you to help them out by giving them some money. While it’s better to give than receive (yeah right) avoid your charitable instincts. The probability is that they have more money and a better car than you do.
14: It’s a well known fact among New Yorkers that there is no love lost between New York City Policeman and New York City Firemen which is why you want to avoid travel here around March 17th also known as St. Patrick’s day. Before the letter writing starts, this has nothing to do with the great Irish people who helped build this city many years ago. However you are likely to see cops and firemen stumbling out of a pub arm in arm wearing each other’s hats. Just remember, one of them has a gun!
15: A tip for you nature lovers, stay away from those gray and black birds also known as pigeons. Their nickname is flying rats. I think way back they used to be sparrows, but between the air and water they have somehow been transformed.
16: Finally, it’s not necessary to use a phrase like “excuse me or pardon me” when speaking to a stranger, a simple “YO” should do the trick, Sounding like a local is important.
Above all New York City is a great place to visit but you probably don’t want to live here. It is my hope that these travel tips will help make your stay in The Big Apple a memorable one. Spend lots of money here as we need the tax revenue.
Lee Degenstein has covered the financial markets for print and broadcast media for more than 15 years. Mr. Degenstein was also the news director and morning anchor at two major radio stations in New Jersey. He has been a reporter/contributor to United Press International, The Associated Press, The Mutual Broadcasting System and New York 1 News. A winner of the Associated Press award for 'best business story' he lives and works in New York City. Mr. Degenstein can be reached by email at: lee723@verizon.net
© Copyright 2007
Lee Degenstein.
All rights reserved
www.leereports.blogspot.com
Many moons ago a tourist from London England found himself on Manhattan’s Seventh Avenue looking for Madison Square Garden. A bit confused and very lost he stopped a man on the street and said: “Excuse me sir, but could you kindly tell me where Madison Square Garden is or should I screw myself now”?
That was the reputation that New Yorkers many years ago but all of that has changed. Some visitors say that ever since the tragedy of 9/11, New York has become a kinder more ‘gentile’ place. Many tourists I have spoken with over the summer have said they have found New Yorkers to be friendly and very helpful. I must have missed those parts of the city.
With the summer season almost over, New York City is preparing itself for the annual onslaught of tourists that fill its streets between Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Kwanza, Ramadan and oh yes Christmas (how’s that for politically correct?). It is in that spirit that Lee Reports offers tourists from around the world some survival tips for travel to the City.
New York City is the safest big city in America but there are still a few people that haven’t gotten that memo yet. Remember, the key to being a tourist in the Big Apple is to try to fit in and be like other New Yorkers whatever that means.
1: When you hear the phrase “the City” it means Manhattan, not the outer boroughs.
2: When you arrive at the airport take a yellow cab, or public transportation into Manhattan. If you take a cab, immediately after giving the foreign born driver your destination, say something like “It’s good to be back in the City again”. This will make the driver think you have been here before and are familiar with the surroundings. It will also eliminate the possibility of the driver taking you to Manhattan by way of Buffalo. Speaking of taxis, note your driver’s name. If it has too many vowels in it or if the driver doesn’t speak with a foreign accent, you have probably gotten into the wrong cab. You may want to get out at the next red light, assuming your driver stops at it! Also look for the bottle of Mr. Poppy air freshener that usually adorns the dashboard. Bathing seems to be optional for some drivers.
3: Assuming that you arrive at your hotel in one piece you will undoubtedly want to take a walk and check out the local scenery. If it is warm when you get here avoid wearing Bermuda shorts black socks and sandals, it’s a dead giveaway that you are not from around here.
4: When you are walking about the City swing your arms vigorously while walking as other New Yorkers do. Avoid the temptation of walking around while looking at the tops of buildings. This is a tip off to muggers that you are fair game. It also lessens the possibility of you walking into a lamp post.
5: The best way to get around the City is the subway, formerly known as the electric sewer. Buy a Metrocard it will get you into the subway system faster and more importantly most locals have one.
6: If you are lucky enough to find a seat remember the most important rule of subway riding. NEVER look another passenger in the eye. Doing this gives that passenger the legal right to kill you. That’s why the subway provides you with all of those preparation H ads to look at.
7: Spitting in the subway is illegal, throwing up is on the house – literally!
8: If you want to buy a newspaper, never take the one on top of the pile. I am not sure why, but the locals always grab a paper in the middle of the stack. You never know the top one may be radioactive and if you take it all your future children will grow up to look like Flipper.
9: If you want to start your day with a cup of coffee you are in the right city. There must be over 1,000 establishments just waiting to serve up an overpriced jo. However remember this important rule. If you take your coffee black, say “give me a black”. Using the word please will just slow up the entire process. For some unknown reason a “regular coffee” in my fair city means coffee with milk. Most normal people would think a regular coffee would be black, but this is not the case here. If you want a bagel and cream cheese say ”give me a bagel with a schmere”. By the way, a large cup of coffee in some establishments will cost as much as a gallon of gas and unlike gasoline the tax is not included.
10: In your travels around the city, you will undoubtedly see some stores that have signs in the windows saying something like “Going out of business – lost our lease or final clearance sale”. Whatever you do, stay out of these stores. They have been going out of business longer than you have been on the planet. Their merchandise is usually overpriced and in some cases used and repackaged.
11: Avoid walking over manhole covers. They have a tendency to either explode and or electrocute. Do I have your attention yet?
12: While it’s rare to see them anymore, you may stumble over a person sleeping on the street or in the park. Just remember that they are now referred to as homeless and not bums.
13: While we are on the subject, you may be accosted by someone or something asking you to help them out by giving them some money. While it’s better to give than receive (yeah right) avoid your charitable instincts. The probability is that they have more money and a better car than you do.
14: It’s a well known fact among New Yorkers that there is no love lost between New York City Policeman and New York City Firemen which is why you want to avoid travel here around March 17th also known as St. Patrick’s day. Before the letter writing starts, this has nothing to do with the great Irish people who helped build this city many years ago. However you are likely to see cops and firemen stumbling out of a pub arm in arm wearing each other’s hats. Just remember, one of them has a gun!
15: A tip for you nature lovers, stay away from those gray and black birds also known as pigeons. Their nickname is flying rats. I think way back they used to be sparrows, but between the air and water they have somehow been transformed.
16: Finally, it’s not necessary to use a phrase like “excuse me or pardon me” when speaking to a stranger, a simple “YO” should do the trick, Sounding like a local is important.
Above all New York City is a great place to visit but you probably don’t want to live here. It is my hope that these travel tips will help make your stay in The Big Apple a memorable one. Spend lots of money here as we need the tax revenue.
Lee Degenstein has covered the financial markets for print and broadcast media for more than 15 years. Mr. Degenstein was also the news director and morning anchor at two major radio stations in New Jersey. He has been a reporter/contributor to United Press International, The Associated Press, The Mutual Broadcasting System and New York 1 News. A winner of the Associated Press award for 'best business story' he lives and works in New York City. Mr. Degenstein can be reached by email at: lee723@verizon.net
© Copyright 2007
Lee Degenstein.
All rights reserved
www.leereports.blogspot.com
posted by Lee Degenstein | 12:02 PM
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