GOODBYE PLUTO WE HARDLY KNEW YE
By Lee Degenstein
This has been an exciting summer as far as news is concerned. There are continuing problems in the Middle East, the skyrocketing price of oil, the slowdown in the housing market, upcoming mid term elections, terrorism plots being foiled, long sought after alleged killers being apprehended and the “Morning After Pill” being approved for over the counter sale to name a few items..
However there is one story that broke late last week that has affected me more than the others. Remember when we were in school we were always taught that there were nine planets. Some of us who had more esoteric teachers, actually learned that there were ten planets if you counted the Asteroid Belt. I was never a big fan of that theory.
Now last week, we all wake up one morning and are being told that in actuality there are only eight planets because Pluto, the furthest planet from the sun, was being demoted to “Dwarf Planet” status. Dwarf Planet? Where’s the political correctness in that statement? Isn’t that a cheap shot at the vertically challenged among us?
Why is Pluto suddenly the red haired step child of the Solar System? What did Pluto ever do to deserve such harsh treatment from the scientific community? So what’s going on here? Apparently the International Astronomical Union has decided that Pluto no longer meets the newly revised criteria of a planet with respect to size, mass and orbit, just to name a few of the criteria. But Dwarf Status, come on guys that’s for Asteroids!
Forget about the fact that this will be a financial windfall for the schoolbook publishers who will have to rewrite all those chapters on the Solar System. Do you think those astronomers own stock in the textbook publishers? What’s going to happen to Mickey Mouse’s sidekick Pluto? Fear not Disney lovers! The Walt Disney Organization sent out a press release indicating that their Pluto was not named after the former ninth planet after all. Who wants to be named after a “Dwarf Planet anyway”?
Then there’s the venerable World Book Encyclopedia who actually stopped the presses on its 2007 edition until the Astronomers Union voted on Pluto’s status. What’s truly amazing about this is that the World Book would wait for the announcement on Pluto before it publishes, but never waits to see who wins the World Series or for that matter the elections! I guess Pluto must have been on double secret probation until the final ruling came down from on high!. This Astronomers Union obviously has some major clout, and they say organized labor is dead.
But hang on Pluto fans, I’m just getting warmed up. Did you know that earlier this year NASA launched the New Horizons Spacecraft? Why you ask? Well to explore Pluto of course! The scientists at NASA probably have enough egg on their faces to serve breakfast to everyone in the State of Rhode Island! Here these guys launch a rocket for a 9 ½ year mission to Pluto and all of a sudden in mid route, while the New Horizons Spacecraft is probably whizzing by Mars, they find out that its destination is not even a planet anymore. Do you have any idea what rocket fuel is selling for these days?
Nice work boys, maybe someone could explain why the World Book Encyclopedia knew enough to hold up their presses but NASA went ahead with a multi billion dollar space exploration project to look at a lousy asteroid?
To make matters worse, we the taxpayers shelled out billions of dollars for a mission to explore what boils down to a mass in space that lacks planet status. So as usual, I guess the joke’s on us. Couldn’t have the Astronomers Union waited a few years until we received the data back from this spacecraft? Would it have really mattered in the grand scheme of things?
Then of course there is Clyde Tombaugh. Mr. Tombaugh was the astronomer who discovered Pluto while gazing through his telescope in Arizona back in 1930. How do you think this guy feels? Unfortunately Mr. Tombough has passed on, but his widow has told reporters that her husband “would understand the downgrade of Pluto, because he was a good scientist”. Hold those residuals!
Well it looks like Mr. Tombough is a better man and scientist than me because I don’t like this change one bit. I was doing quite well in my life knowing there are nine planets up there, thank you very much. I just hope I don’t wake up one morning and find out that Wyoming is no longer a state because it doesn’t have enough people! Then let’s sit back and wait until some genius in Washington calls it the Nation’s first “Dwarf State”! Are you ready to rumble?
Most importantly, as many already know, Astrology is based on the 12 signs of the Zodiac along with the current position of the Sun, Moon and stars. Many believe that people tend to pick up qualities of planets associated with those signs. You’ll be relieved to know, as I was, that the Astrological Association of Great Britain will continue to recognize Pluto as a full blown planet with all rights and privileges. Count on our closest allies The Brits to keep cool during a most unsettling time.
One last thing, has anyone ever heard of the International Astronomers Union? Are they part of the Teamsters or the AFL-CIO? If they are, I am not going to mess with these guys! This change of Pluto’s planet status is fine by me! Kindly forget everything I just said. However, if they are not, I am going to find all my old science text books, and sell them on EBay as collector’s items.
© copyright 2006, Lee Degenstein.
All rights reserved
This has been an exciting summer as far as news is concerned. There are continuing problems in the Middle East, the skyrocketing price of oil, the slowdown in the housing market, upcoming mid term elections, terrorism plots being foiled, long sought after alleged killers being apprehended and the “Morning After Pill” being approved for over the counter sale to name a few items..
However there is one story that broke late last week that has affected me more than the others. Remember when we were in school we were always taught that there were nine planets. Some of us who had more esoteric teachers, actually learned that there were ten planets if you counted the Asteroid Belt. I was never a big fan of that theory.
Now last week, we all wake up one morning and are being told that in actuality there are only eight planets because Pluto, the furthest planet from the sun, was being demoted to “Dwarf Planet” status. Dwarf Planet? Where’s the political correctness in that statement? Isn’t that a cheap shot at the vertically challenged among us?
Why is Pluto suddenly the red haired step child of the Solar System? What did Pluto ever do to deserve such harsh treatment from the scientific community? So what’s going on here? Apparently the International Astronomical Union has decided that Pluto no longer meets the newly revised criteria of a planet with respect to size, mass and orbit, just to name a few of the criteria. But Dwarf Status, come on guys that’s for Asteroids!
Forget about the fact that this will be a financial windfall for the schoolbook publishers who will have to rewrite all those chapters on the Solar System. Do you think those astronomers own stock in the textbook publishers? What’s going to happen to Mickey Mouse’s sidekick Pluto? Fear not Disney lovers! The Walt Disney Organization sent out a press release indicating that their Pluto was not named after the former ninth planet after all. Who wants to be named after a “Dwarf Planet anyway”?
Then there’s the venerable World Book Encyclopedia who actually stopped the presses on its 2007 edition until the Astronomers Union voted on Pluto’s status. What’s truly amazing about this is that the World Book would wait for the announcement on Pluto before it publishes, but never waits to see who wins the World Series or for that matter the elections! I guess Pluto must have been on double secret probation until the final ruling came down from on high!. This Astronomers Union obviously has some major clout, and they say organized labor is dead.
But hang on Pluto fans, I’m just getting warmed up. Did you know that earlier this year NASA launched the New Horizons Spacecraft? Why you ask? Well to explore Pluto of course! The scientists at NASA probably have enough egg on their faces to serve breakfast to everyone in the State of Rhode Island! Here these guys launch a rocket for a 9 ½ year mission to Pluto and all of a sudden in mid route, while the New Horizons Spacecraft is probably whizzing by Mars, they find out that its destination is not even a planet anymore. Do you have any idea what rocket fuel is selling for these days?
Nice work boys, maybe someone could explain why the World Book Encyclopedia knew enough to hold up their presses but NASA went ahead with a multi billion dollar space exploration project to look at a lousy asteroid?
To make matters worse, we the taxpayers shelled out billions of dollars for a mission to explore what boils down to a mass in space that lacks planet status. So as usual, I guess the joke’s on us. Couldn’t have the Astronomers Union waited a few years until we received the data back from this spacecraft? Would it have really mattered in the grand scheme of things?
Then of course there is Clyde Tombaugh. Mr. Tombaugh was the astronomer who discovered Pluto while gazing through his telescope in Arizona back in 1930. How do you think this guy feels? Unfortunately Mr. Tombough has passed on, but his widow has told reporters that her husband “would understand the downgrade of Pluto, because he was a good scientist”. Hold those residuals!
Well it looks like Mr. Tombough is a better man and scientist than me because I don’t like this change one bit. I was doing quite well in my life knowing there are nine planets up there, thank you very much. I just hope I don’t wake up one morning and find out that Wyoming is no longer a state because it doesn’t have enough people! Then let’s sit back and wait until some genius in Washington calls it the Nation’s first “Dwarf State”! Are you ready to rumble?
Most importantly, as many already know, Astrology is based on the 12 signs of the Zodiac along with the current position of the Sun, Moon and stars. Many believe that people tend to pick up qualities of planets associated with those signs. You’ll be relieved to know, as I was, that the Astrological Association of Great Britain will continue to recognize Pluto as a full blown planet with all rights and privileges. Count on our closest allies The Brits to keep cool during a most unsettling time.
One last thing, has anyone ever heard of the International Astronomers Union? Are they part of the Teamsters or the AFL-CIO? If they are, I am not going to mess with these guys! This change of Pluto’s planet status is fine by me! Kindly forget everything I just said. However, if they are not, I am going to find all my old science text books, and sell them on EBay as collector’s items.
© copyright 2006, Lee Degenstein.
All rights reserved
posted by Lee Degenstein | 8:46 AM
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